I resist change.  I resist change... a lot.

I just want to say... I thought our friendship was worth more than that to you.  It certainly is to me. 

Anxiety sucks.  Not because I'm anxious.  But because I try to blame myself for things like this.  Well, also because I'm anxious, lol.  I tend to blow things out of proportion, which could be what I'm doing.  But don't you know me well enough to think about that?  Do you even care?

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Anyway... my summer has spent May and half of June being boring and the other half of June as well as what we have seen of July being extremely busy.

I work for an electrical company.  I'm well paid, get lots of hours, and I (generally) enjoy the work.  I get variety and I get to work with my hands.  Unfortunately, my name is Jordan Taylor, which means that "working with my hands" = "pain accompanied by the 3 B's (blood, blisters, bruises)."  It's not too bad, though; there was a scary incident involving a power saw and my thumb, but thankfully I escaped intact.

I have discovered that I'm afraid of both heights and ladders, though, lol.  Not so good in a job that requires the tall, rickety ladders at high elevations, but it's bearable.  Luckily, my bosses are understanding about claustrophobia and so haven't tried to make me get into somebody's crawlspace.  Yes, I have many phobias.  Get used to it.

I have had almost no opportunity for social interaction.  I work too much to do much of anything except on the weekends, and my friends seem to be gone, or busy, or something.  It's kind of sad... but hey, at least I'm making money for next year's expenses and such.

Basically... I can't wait to get back to TCU.  I'm now afraid that I'll be disappointed because nothing will be the same, but... it'll be better than here.

Been a while... I feel like I'm resurrecting this blog out of the body that is Xanga...

Anyway, life is generally good.  My classes are fine, if not especially easy, and I'm enjoying the life.  I'm not looking forward to summer and leaving everyone, especially knowing that all of my closest friends here live very, very far away from me.

As usual, I'm having girl situations... or rather, not having them.  Ashley introduced me to a girl, a girl that seems like just my type, and I don't know what to think.  It's pretty late in the year to start anything (especially with a girl from Houston) but at the same time, she DID seem like my type.  So I guess I'll see what might happen...

I'm not in a great mood.  I like it when things work out.  Problem is, they never do.

I'm pretty sure this thing is unread these days...

So, it's winter break.  CHRISTMAS break.  I don't like Christmas.  Could be that I'll never like Christmas again, although I hope that one day I can enjoy it with a family of my own.

I miss my friends from TCU.  Kristine, Mark, Ryan, and Tanya called me earlier, they were all together after the bowl game with Tanya's sister (the soulmate whom I've never met, haha) and some other girl that I don't know and it really made me sad that I wasn't there with them.  It would have been a lot of fun.  And I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little jealous of friends... if it wasn't for me, Tanya and Kristine would probably have never hung out with Mark and Ryan, and part of me wants them to like me better.  I'm a bad person, it's ok.  But Ashley called too, and that was fun.  That call didn't make me sad, although I miss her too.

So, basically, I'm home away from the people I've spent the past few months with in a town I don't enjoy being in for a holiday that I dislike. 

Tis the season to be depressed.

So, I also kinda like this girl, and I just discovered this (and her interest) literally the day before she left for break, which was a day before I left.  Bad fucking timing, there.  By the time we see each other again, who knows?  I'm really, incredibly anxious about that kinda thing anytime it comes up.  I worry that over the break, my friends will... well, no longer be my friends.  That they will have moved on.  But I digress.  My point is, a lot can happen in a month, and though it won't really break my heart to not go out with this girl, it's kinda nice having the hope that perhaps something can happen when I get back.

I have a pretty good xanga pattern.  I only post when I'm depressed, usually.  Good for me that it's been more than a month since my last post, I suppose.

I'm more depressed today than I have been in months.  I don't take that well.  Then again, I'm a sufferer of anxiety (did you know there's not a term for that?  At least, I couldn't find one), so it makes sense that I wouldn't take something well.

Basically... how the fuck long does it take to find a group of friends?  Can you even get into a group once groups are established?  Cause I definitely have like one friend that actually seems to want to hang out with me. 

Fuck this.  I almost wish I had joined a fraternity, just for the friends, and if you know me, you know that I am NOT a frat boy.

An Unfortunate Series of Events (not the movie)

- Jordan buys tickets to Evanescence in August for October 21st, thinking, "If I can't find somebody who wants to go to a free concert with me, I'm a loser."

- Jordan likes girl.

- Girl is busy that weekend, and furthermore, her ex-boyfriend that she is clearly not over shows up randomly.
     - As an aside, this probably shoots Jordan liking girl in the face.

- Other girl that Jordan knows who is a huge Evanescence fan declines to go to the concert because she "doesn't know what's going on that night" (am I the only one who thinks that that is really mean?  to not go to a concert of a band you love because there MIGHT be something going on?  she must really like me less than I thought...)

- Cousin who wanted to go forgot that he wanted to go and made plans to go to Austin.

- Nice girl named Emilee who doesn't particularly like the band said she'd go if Jordan can't find anyone else.

- Jordan feels like a loser for being unable to find an actual date to Evanescence, though he is very happy that Emilee is willing to accompany him.